Sean im finding it difficult to make any comment on your post. It's probably because of restistance I sense is still in me. My golden wedding anniversary is in six weeks and it has been more than a roller coaster by miles. So your post has laid bare so much and opened up more than im fit to deal with at the moment.or maybe unwilling to. But I sense here is the final escape hatch in your post. Thanks again Sean please don't stop posting
Hey Sean . . . it's good to come up against that which we resist, we don't have to do anything in that space other than just be, the gift is finding the far reaches of willingness and being okay there, just accepting it . . . I won't stop posting, I promise. Thanks, Sean. 🙏🙏
The body (ego) seems like it craves much more than platonic companionship. It craves intimate, romantic love. My ego cannot comprehend how on earth I am able to love my co-worker exactly the same as a romantic partner. Yet, we are asked to do this as God does.
Personally, I struggle to enter a romantic relationship with anyone that is not into the Course or practices similar teachings. It seems doomed to specialness if my partner has no concept of these ideas. So, out of fear of being in a special relationship, and no doubt arrogance, I remain alone.
My ego is waiting for a like-minded partner, and even though that feels like the right direction, it also feels discriminatory, and lonely.
But, I have tried dating men who don’t understand any of this, and I’m left feeling uninspired, and stagnant.
Do you think that this like-minded requirement is yet another form of specialness? I have tried letting it go, but I lose interest in the person.
"Special" and "holy" are frames - they are ways of seeing - and they are in the mind. They are responsive to us - to what we are in truth - they are most clear in the decisions we make about what to do. The body simply tags along, reflecting our decisions, which reflect our frame.
In the context of separation, the form that Love takes will vary. Its variance is driven by a lot of factors - cultural factors, genetic factors, spiritual practices, et cetera. Some people we want to sleep with, some we want to build community with, some people it's a chore just to be civil. But it's all the same: it's all communion.
When we choose the frame of holiness - which is the Holy Spirit, who is the part of our Mind that remembers God as Love, and knows it is an extension of Love in Creation - then the form our living takes will not worry us so much. Who we sleep with, who we bread bread with, who we need clear boundaries with.
Most of us don't get worked up about whether we prefer to listen to music while driving or not, or wearing sweaters to sweatshirts. When we need to pee, we don't make metaphysical demands of our kidneys. Yet when sex enters the picture, or money or food, then there's an existential crisis.
The ACIM trick is not fall for the crisis by trying to solve it, but rather to see that the whole thing arises because we are confused about what we are. We think we're bodies in a world. But we aren't bodies and there is no world. There is no crisis; we CAN'T be lonely.
It's okay that this makes no sense. It's making no sense just means we're still confused. So we choose again - following the rules of decision, if a really practical form of guidance is helpful - the Holy Spirit's frame of holiness.
In this post there's a picture of me and my son. When he was little and had a hard time sleeping, I would lay with him in his bed while he feel asleep. Sometimes I would tell him stories, sometimes I would rub his back. That was the form of love then! It's not now. He needs me to be a different kind of presence and so - imperfectly but willingly - I adapt.
Same with co-workers. Same with fellow Course students. Same with Chrisoula. The work is not to find the form of love that ends the search for Love, but rather to be sure that we remain teachable, willing, flexible, et cetera in the context of the relationships that are given.
ALL relationships are special, when seen through the lens of the ego, which magnifies differences and emphasize judgment. But ALL relationships are holy, when seen through the lens of the Holy Spirit, which emphasize equality and service.
I do NOT think the requirement of like-mindedness in a partner is inherently special; spiritual connection is fundamental to healthy joyous relationships. Sex is an extension of a spiritual dialogue, carrying it beyond language into ecstasy and bliss.
Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside; let us spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vine has budded, if the blossom has opened, if the pomegranates are in bloom — there I will give you my love (Song of Solomon 7:11-12).
These are not new ideas :)
But I think all this flows more readily when I accept that the work is to focus on the decisions being made at the level of mind, which always reflect the frame I adopt, the ego's or the Holy Spirit's. When the body really is seen as just tagging along, a helpful communication device for Love, then WHAT the body does and WHO it does it with, become less concerning. The form the Love takes shifts and adapts to circumstance, and we yield to it. We surrender to it. There is nothing else to do.
Thanks, as always, for reading & helping me think through the hard questions, Dena.
Thank you so much Sean for your thoughtful response. I will spend time searing this into my mind so that I can live it. When I think “but it’s so hard”, I remember that my way leads to suffering.
Sean im finding it difficult to make any comment on your post. It's probably because of restistance I sense is still in me. My golden wedding anniversary is in six weeks and it has been more than a roller coaster by miles. So your post has laid bare so much and opened up more than im fit to deal with at the moment.or maybe unwilling to. But I sense here is the final escape hatch in your post. Thanks again Sean please don't stop posting
Hey Sean . . . it's good to come up against that which we resist, we don't have to do anything in that space other than just be, the gift is finding the far reaches of willingness and being okay there, just accepting it . . . I won't stop posting, I promise. Thanks, Sean. 🙏🙏
“It’s okay that this makes no sense. It's making no sense just means we're still confused.”
This makes me laugh every time I read it. :-)
😌🙏
🙏 right back :)
Thanks for reading, Jennifer.
~ Sean
The body (ego) seems like it craves much more than platonic companionship. It craves intimate, romantic love. My ego cannot comprehend how on earth I am able to love my co-worker exactly the same as a romantic partner. Yet, we are asked to do this as God does.
Personally, I struggle to enter a romantic relationship with anyone that is not into the Course or practices similar teachings. It seems doomed to specialness if my partner has no concept of these ideas. So, out of fear of being in a special relationship, and no doubt arrogance, I remain alone.
My ego is waiting for a like-minded partner, and even though that feels like the right direction, it also feels discriminatory, and lonely.
But, I have tried dating men who don’t understand any of this, and I’m left feeling uninspired, and stagnant.
Do you think that this like-minded requirement is yet another form of specialness? I have tried letting it go, but I lose interest in the person.
Thank you, Dena.
"Special" and "holy" are frames - they are ways of seeing - and they are in the mind. They are responsive to us - to what we are in truth - they are most clear in the decisions we make about what to do. The body simply tags along, reflecting our decisions, which reflect our frame.
In the context of separation, the form that Love takes will vary. Its variance is driven by a lot of factors - cultural factors, genetic factors, spiritual practices, et cetera. Some people we want to sleep with, some we want to build community with, some people it's a chore just to be civil. But it's all the same: it's all communion.
When we choose the frame of holiness - which is the Holy Spirit, who is the part of our Mind that remembers God as Love, and knows it is an extension of Love in Creation - then the form our living takes will not worry us so much. Who we sleep with, who we bread bread with, who we need clear boundaries with.
Most of us don't get worked up about whether we prefer to listen to music while driving or not, or wearing sweaters to sweatshirts. When we need to pee, we don't make metaphysical demands of our kidneys. Yet when sex enters the picture, or money or food, then there's an existential crisis.
The ACIM trick is not fall for the crisis by trying to solve it, but rather to see that the whole thing arises because we are confused about what we are. We think we're bodies in a world. But we aren't bodies and there is no world. There is no crisis; we CAN'T be lonely.
It's okay that this makes no sense. It's making no sense just means we're still confused. So we choose again - following the rules of decision, if a really practical form of guidance is helpful - the Holy Spirit's frame of holiness.
In this post there's a picture of me and my son. When he was little and had a hard time sleeping, I would lay with him in his bed while he feel asleep. Sometimes I would tell him stories, sometimes I would rub his back. That was the form of love then! It's not now. He needs me to be a different kind of presence and so - imperfectly but willingly - I adapt.
Same with co-workers. Same with fellow Course students. Same with Chrisoula. The work is not to find the form of love that ends the search for Love, but rather to be sure that we remain teachable, willing, flexible, et cetera in the context of the relationships that are given.
ALL relationships are special, when seen through the lens of the ego, which magnifies differences and emphasize judgment. But ALL relationships are holy, when seen through the lens of the Holy Spirit, which emphasize equality and service.
I do NOT think the requirement of like-mindedness in a partner is inherently special; spiritual connection is fundamental to healthy joyous relationships. Sex is an extension of a spiritual dialogue, carrying it beyond language into ecstasy and bliss.
Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside; let us spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vine has budded, if the blossom has opened, if the pomegranates are in bloom — there I will give you my love (Song of Solomon 7:11-12).
These are not new ideas :)
But I think all this flows more readily when I accept that the work is to focus on the decisions being made at the level of mind, which always reflect the frame I adopt, the ego's or the Holy Spirit's. When the body really is seen as just tagging along, a helpful communication device for Love, then WHAT the body does and WHO it does it with, become less concerning. The form the Love takes shifts and adapts to circumstance, and we yield to it. We surrender to it. There is nothing else to do.
Thanks, as always, for reading & helping me think through the hard questions, Dena.
Love,
Sean
Thank you so much Sean for your thoughtful response. I will spend time searing this into my mind so that I can live it. When I think “but it’s so hard”, I remember that my way leads to suffering.
You give soooo much (appreciated) homework!
- Dena