Sometimes it seems that the whole function of A Course in Miracles is to get clear on this riddle: if all your problems are merely symptoms of an underlying confusion about what you are in truth, what are you?
How would you answer that question? Could you answer it in a way that would solve it for everyone else who asks it?
It's a riddle in that the answer isn't an answer in the "2 + 2 = 4" sense but rather in the "realizing the utter and total inadequacy of the question" sense.
For example, when the Sphinx poses a riddle to Oedipus - “what goes on four feet in the morning, two feet in midday, and three feet in the evening?” there's an actual answer: "human beings."
But the answer to, say, "what is the sound of one hand clapping" doesn't work that way, no matter how clever or gifted-with-words you are. You have to see past the question to . . .
. . . well, to what exactly?
II
If all your problems are merely symptoms of an underlying confusion about what you are in truth, what are you?
The suggestion is that the answer is closer to the "one hand clapping" model than the Sphinx model. But I am also saying - I am unconditionally saying - that there is an answer. I am also saying that we already know it but have forgotten we know it. It’s simple but tricky, like juggling bars of soap.
Many years ago, hiking back down Mount Ascutney with the dog whose ashes would later be scattered across Mount Ascutney, I got lost. Deep in thought, where the trail grew faint, we wandered and kept wandering. I remember coming to in a clearing surrounded by birch trees, yellow leave spiraling through afternoon sunlight, thinking, "Oh shit - I am lost."
A Course in Miracles brought me - brings me, actually, over and over it brings me - to a similar place but in the interior. The course itself stops making sense; community feels distant and alien. Fear and confusion and their potential for error metasticize. It's frustrating and scary. Until we learn once and for all what we are in truth there are dark places in us.
That day on Mount Ascutney, Jake and I sat down in the company of the birch trees and falling leaves. I poured some water into his portable bowl; I drank some myself. Eventually - half an hour or so - we heard the faint voices of fellow hikers on the trail. We followed the sound - west and a little south - and regained the way.
The first rule of lost is, don't panic. The second is, be still.
Also, it doesn't hurt to travel with a friend.
III
If all your problems are merely symptoms of an underlying confusion about what you are in truth, what are you?
Most of us rush to the second part of the riddle, the "what are you" part. It seems like that's where the sweet stuff must be. But stay with me for a moment at the premise, the "if all your problems . . . " part.
Do you accept that premise? That all your problems are "so-called" and arise exclusively from internal confusion about what you are in truth?
Pause and answer that. Be honest and curious. Only you can say and your honest answer is the answer.
If you feel pressure answering, give attention to the pressure. Who are you trying to please with your answer? Who are you afraid of not pleasing? What bad outcome are you trying to stave off? What good outcome are you trying to midwife?
The third rule of lost is, don't pretend you're not lost. If you're scared, acknowledge your fear. If you're confused, live the confusion. If you don't know, then say you don't know and then ask: how do I know I don't know?
The fourth rule of lost (and the only rule of found) is, you are never actually lost.
IV
If all your problems are merely symptoms of an underlying confusion about what you are in truth, what are you?
It really does seem like a good question! But A Course in Miracles suggests it may not be.
The fundamental question you continually ask yourself cannot properly be directed to yourself at all. You keep asking what it is you are. This implies that the answer is not only one you know, but is also one that is up to you to supply (T-3.V.4:1-3).
The ACIM Urtext helpfully points out that the first part of the sentence - "the answer is not only one you know" - is true but the second - "is also one that is up to you to supply" - is false because we cannot perceive ourselves correctly. We have no image to be perceived (T-3.V.4:1-5).
In other words, we really really want the answer to be of the 2 + 2 = 4 variety, and it's not. It cannot be reduced to anything perceptible to the body, which includes the brain and its big ideas, its wordiness, its rhetorical strategies and its emphasis on a stable central self calling the shots and running the show.
We have to let our investment and attachmen to all that go - all perception, all cognition, all appearance of control, without exception or condition - and see what happens. We have to listen for the sound of one hand clapping. There is no image that reflects what we are in truth (T-3.V.4:5); there is no idea that fully represents what we are in truth (T-15.IX.6:1-2). Now what?
When I was lost on the mountain, the answer wasn't to look for anything. The answer was, be still and let the answer be given. This naturally forecloses the possibility of deciding in advance what the answer is. That is why to be a student of A Course in Miracles is to be student of the law of “Thy Will be done” and not “I want it otherwise” (T-18.V.4:3).
In the stillness - in our willingness to “come empty-handed unto our God” (W-189.7:5) - we remember that we already know the answer.
I have not lost the knowledge of Who I am because I have forgotten it. It has been kept for me in the Mind of God, Who has not left His Thoughts. And I, who am among them, am one with them and one with Him (W-56.5:3-5).
Jake is gone now; we will not climb any more mountains. But you are here, and together we are learning how to share the cause for joy and inner peace, so that together we might find our way to the Oneness that is what we are in truth (T-5.II.11:2). For me it is enough; it is more than enough.
Thank you, always, for being here.
~ Sean
Hello Sean;
I just wanted to say Thank God, truly, that there are still people like you willing to give and work on behalf of all of us. I'm still in ACIM infancy stage (who knows if I'll ever leave it?) and I can't tell you how reassuring it is to see you, up ahead on the path, holding a lantern and beckoning us forward.
Heartfelt Blessings to you & yours;
Sharon
Thank you for this beautiful and meaningful reflection. I have been wrestling with so many questions that lead to the one question... and then wondering if the question is even relevant! I intuit that we are simply all pieces of one whole in some way or the other. That gives me enough of a starting point to know that we need to love ourselves and others as unconditionally as possible in every circumstance. Haven't gotten much past that. And I like the being patient and still. I think that's hard for most of us but it is sage advice indeed. The way out comes if we just stop and listen. So simple and so difficult for those of us dealing with daily drama, trying to find solutions "out there" and not searching within. Have a wonderful week!