Resting in Unknowing with Jesus

. . . looking at ego without shrinking

To adopt A Course in Miracles as one's spiritual path is to undertake a serious and challenging interior journey from solitary grim forgetfulness to a shared and joyous remembrance of God. It is to look closely at an interior landscape and thought system that resists being looked at and literally stops at nothing to avoid being seen for what it really is.

Why does this thought ssytem so viciously and tenaciously defend itself from being known? Because it correctly perceives that to see it is to simultaneously see what it is not and - because our longing for God, though hidden, is greater than our longing to be separate from God - to thus exchange it for Truth. The ego knows it is doomed when we realize it offers us nothing but pain.

Grandeur is of God, and only of Him. Therefore it is in you. Whenever you become aware of it, however dimly, you abandon the ego automatically, because in the presence of the grandeur of God the meaninglessness of the ego becomes perfectly apparent (T-9.VIII.1:1-3).

But the ego does not go quietly or willingly! And, for most of us, it does not go without the help of a devoted guide. Thus, the Course, in addition to being a means by which to remember God, provides a friend with whom to bring that means into application.

My brother you are part of God and part of me. When you have at last looked at the ego's foundation without shrinking you will also have looked upon ours . . . I give you the lamp and I will go with you. You do not take this journey alone (T-11.In.4:1-2, 5-6).

In a sense, those words are metaphorical - Jesus is not actually going to show up with an oil lantern and escort us through our personal Boschian drama, the way a friend might walk with us through the streets of Boston.

On the other hand, if we cannot take those words literally - if we reduce them to a mere concept - then we are missing a critical supportive aspect of A Course in Miracles. So a question emerges: how do we make contact in a sustainable practical way with Jesus, especially with respect to "looking at the ego's foundation without shrinking?"

The answer has to do with the reverence that naturally flows from giving careful and sustained attention to that question, which in part has to do with not rushing to answer it. We willingly stay in the insecurity of not-knowing, which in a sense is to trust not-knowing - or to trust that we are not alone in the state of not-knowing. What happens?

In Jesus and the Blind Man (in his book Moments Outside of Time), Tara Singh observed that "a sincere question has the ability to relate you to life instantly and brings you to the direct perception of Reality" (79).

Thus, it is not necessary to get an answer from Jesus so much to inquire of Jesus in a serious and attentive way, and to bring all of one's desire to awaken to bear on the inquiry. As Lesson 27 says, "above all else I want to see." Think of nothing but your yearning to see, says Jesus, and vision will be given you because it is already given to you. But be honest: what else will you think of? What else do you want? What are you willing to let stand as a distraction from the healing offered in literally every sentence of the Course?

In other words, our relationship with Jesus is a reflection of our commitment, of the energy that we are ready and willing to bring to our practice. Part of studying A Course in Miracles means facing our unwillingness to practice A Course in Miracles. We are asked to give vision priority amongst our many competing desires (W-pI.27.1:2). Tara Singh said that when we do that - e.g., when we sincerely give attention to Jesus - then we are met by Jesus in the present moment, and there is nothing metaphorical about it.

If you are present, then the Master is here, because what He said is eternal and always accessible. In the present, the past and future meet. Jesus said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away" (79).

To give our attention to Jesus without expectation - I will perceive him this way, he will respond that way, et cetera - is to become radically open and Jesus responds to that openness in a real and tangible, in a sustainably practical way. Our reverence - which is a form of gratitude that simplifies and purifies attention - makes it possible.

Nobody can give attention for us. The internal egoic drama that must be undone will feel utterly personal for a long time. Yet a state comes when we begin to perceive - beyond the specificity of images and idols - that fear and guilt (and the Love that undoes them) are common to all of us. They are shared.

God is not partial. All His children have His total Love, and all His gifts are freely given to everyone alike . . . The specialness of God’s children does not stem from exclusion but from inclusion (T-1.V.3:2-3, 5).

But before that, we have to share the seeming specificity of our spiritual journey with Jesus. We look at what we are frightened to look at, and we ask him to look with us and - when we are ready to no longer be alone - he will be with us, and his presence will be transformative. His presence is a transformed way of seeing. It is the vision born anew in forgiveness.

From insane wishes comes an insane world. From judgment comes a world condemned. And from forgiving thoughts a gentle world comes forth, with mercy for the holy Son of God, to offer him a kindly home where he can rest a while before he journeys on, and help his brothers walk ahead with him, and find the way to Heaven and to God (W-pII.325.1:4-6).

We cannot avoid the work of looking at the ego's foundation, however intimidating and terrifying it might seem. Doing so is essential to our shared freedom, because only by looking at the foundation can the rest of the egoic edifice be toppled.

But critically, this work, this looking, is not undertaken alone. A Course in Miracles repeats over and over that Jesus shares the way, that the Holy Spirit is within us, and that you and I walk the path to Heaven together. Those are words that point to an important truth: we are not alone in any way. Companionship is salvation.

It is not necessary to know in advance what it means to avail oneself of Jesus' help and to be so helped. In fact, it is more helpful to simply rest in the not-knowing, to be open in unknowing, to trust unknowing. To be with Jesus is not acquisitive but rather receptive. Why? Because he is already here: our inquiry of him makes it so.

Love,
Sean