Getting to God with You

. . . through a dedicated practice of joy

Feelings of grandiosity are a defense against feelings of unworthiness. In turn, feelings of unworthiness are a defense against happiness, which is the Alpha and Omega of Being.

As long as I can remember, grandiosity has been a means of relating to the world. I am the smartest one in the room, or the funniest one. If I meditate for a week I am qualified to write how-to manuals on meditation. Praise and adoration are my due.

This all a projection, of course! And all projection is a defense. When we elevate ourselves over and against our brothers and sisters, it is because we believe we are unworthy of their friendship and attention. Grandiosity becomes the means by which we do not have to question this belief.

The defense of grandiosity preserves the defense of unworthiness.

Unworthiness has been with me at least as long as grandiosity and probably longer. I am a bad person, evil even, incompetent and difficult, incapable of change. My intentions are irrelevant; I am beyond salvation. Everybody knows they'd be better off without me.

When we turn our back on ourselves that way it is because we are scared of God.

All fear comes ultimately, and sometimes by way of very devious routes, from the denial of Authorship . . . To deny [God's] Authorship is to deny yourself the reason for your peace . . . (T-3.VI.10:4, 6).

Unworthiness is a form of arrogance. It arrogates - i.e., it takes without justification - God’s vision of Creation and substitutes our shabby own.

Why would I - why would anyone - do that?

We do that because we are afraid of God's judgment. I can write "God is Love." I can pontificate all day about "God is Love." But if I don't know the way in which it is true - if it is not my Truth but merely my opinion - then it doesn't matter what I say or do. It’s just ignorance doubling down on ignorance.

So: grandiosity is the projection that defends against looking at unworthiness. Unworthiness is the projection that defends against looking at my fear of God.

Interestingly, the defenses of grandiosity and unworthiness make it hard to be in relationship. I might hurt you by pretending to be the smartest ACIM student you ever met. I might burden you with my psychological neediness.

Which is a problem because the only way I can look at - much less undo - my fear of God is in relationship with you (T-19.IV.D.9:1-2). Indeed, our relationship is the answer to the fear of God, no matter what question or inquiry it hides itself in. "The beautiful relationship you have with all your brothers is a part of you because it is a part of God Himself" (T-28.VII.2:1).

Therefore, in a sense, the function of grandiosity and unworthiness is to keep you and I apart just enough to forget that what God created perfect and whole cannot be apart.

Either there is a gap between you and your brother, or you are one. There is no in-between, no other choice . . . (T-28.VII.3:1-2).

We are called to be in relationship with one another at level of forgiveness that can seem almost supernatural. When I say A Course in Miracles is difficult, that we have to be desperate, this is what I am saying. On our own we cannot love the way Jesus calls us to love. Maybe we can get there once in a while with our child or a dog but everyone? All the time?

Come on.

The thing is, loving that way only seems impossible because we're looking at it wrong. It's not about an action we take; it's about a shift in our thinking about what really matters.

The habit of engaging with God and His creations is easily made if you actively refuse to let your mind slip away. The problem is not one of concentration; it is the belief that no one, including yourself, is worth consistent effort (T-4.IV.7:1-2).

It can be hard sometimes to study and practice A Course in Miracles. But my suggestion today is that you give your practice to God through a brother or sister. Somebody in you life is "worth consistent effort." Dedicate your study and practice to them today; study and practice for them today.

In this way, you effectively "side" with Jesus against the "deception" that nobody is worthy of our devotion and discipline (T-4.IV.7:1-3). And truly, what we do for one we do for all.

In other words, set aside grandiosity and unworthiness. They are defenses against our fear of God, and our fear of God can only be considered and undone in relationship.

It is the relationship that matters - not on terms that we set - but on terms set by God in Creation. Today, find those terms with the one who was made to share them with you, that you might both become happy in a natural, serious and sustainable way.

Love,
Sean